the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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