i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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