p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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