I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
