youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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