so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
