Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
