Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
