why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
