Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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