I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
