I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
