i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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