yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
