We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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