i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
