This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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