i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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