the condom got lost in my hair
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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