found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
