Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
