just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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