perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
