Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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