it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
