Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
