you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
