9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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