My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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