Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
