The maid of honor just puked.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
