If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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