We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
