My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize