She said her name was "party"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
