Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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