I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
