carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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