my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
