im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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