Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
