I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
