when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
