Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
