i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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