well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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