I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
