having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
