I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
