In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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