why didn't you poke me back
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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