I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I understand Curling. That high.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
