hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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