Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We left the knife in your bed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
