She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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