Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
