Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
