Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
