Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
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I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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