Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
