I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize