somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
