It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
