Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
