Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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