Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
