I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize