He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
