I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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