YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
