I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.