we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?