College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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