I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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