peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
